i don’t what it is. but i know i shouldn’t be proud but honestly i am. it goes against what i believe in but it’s just so different. simply a different situation. i just love the intimacy. no one else, not even her. i don’t know what’s going to happen. but i do know what has happened and i all i know is i still stand today to what i’ve always said and even though it’s far stretched i plan to stand by it for years and years, maybe forever i don’t know. and you know what i don’t care enough about her to care. it’s just you. and even though i have a feeling of some distant bumps on the road ahead i’ve made the final decision to stand by. there’s just something. i don’t know what it is. but you give me freedom. part of me wants to make sense of this and be reasonable in order to get the sweetest outcome. but time with you almost like my enemy. sometimes i sit back and think about it and i think of how nice it would be to be a cliche teen who fucks up and lives in the moment. that’s my biggest internal conflict. plan for the bright future or let go and just get out and do what i fucking want. not generally speaking that is though, i just mean with you. i just want to fall under with you and step into the temptation and just be fucking free to do what we please no restrictions like i’ve read someone else did and honestly her situation didn’t have the same outcome i’m afraid would happen. but then again, i want a chance and togetherness later.